Job description: Celestial Conversations - VII

First: Celestial Conversation
Previous: Book sales: Celestial Conversations - VI

Me: God?
God: Yes?
Me: I was just thinking...
God: Yes?
Me: God, what is it that You... You know... do all day?
God: Excuse Me?
Me: I mean, You know, as You said earlier, You didn't really make the universe, it just happened.
God: Right.
Me: And creating matter is not really worth the effort.
God: That is correct.
Me: And anything that disturbs normal laws of physics is probably not a good idea.
God: Yes.
Me: Well, then what is it that You do?
God: I'm sorry?
Me: I mean... I don't know how to put this...
God: I have no idea what you are talking about.
Me: Well, do You have anything to do?
God: To do what?
Me: That's exactly what I'm asking You.
God: What should I do?
Me: How am I supposed to know? People think that You make the world go round...
God: Me? Not at all. Love makes the world go round.
Me: Really?
God: That's what Madonna says.
Me: Oh. No, I mean, people think that You make the sun rise, and You cause night, and everything that happens, happens because it is Your will...
God: They think that? Why would they think that?
Me: Because You are God!
God: What does that have to do with it? You people have invented science, haven't you?
Me: Not exactly invented, but yes, You are correct...
God: Then why would they think that I would be responsible for any of these things?
Me: People just believe. But anyway, what I was saying was that if You don't do all this, then... then... I mean, God... Why are You there?
God: Where? Bosnia? I told you. I ran out of real estate. I'm thinking of moving to Bangalore next, though. John Kerry seems to think it's a model city.
Me: You can think of Chennai too.
God: Chennai?
Me: It's a seven hour drive from Bangalore.
God: Any good, this Chennai?
Me: Well, it's a metro, for one. And people here are pretty religious.
God: Alright. I'll think about it.
Me: Well, anyway. I actually meant, what is the reason for Your existence?
God: That's quite a strange question. But it sounds like I've been asked it before.
Me: Really? Who was it, God? Aristotle? Descartes? Moses? Stephen Hawking?
God: No, no. I think it was George Bush. I believe he wanted my job...
Me: Oh. Well what is Your job, then?
God: My job? To be God of course!
Me: And what is it that You do?
God: Why should I do anything?
Me: Every job has something to do.
God: Good leadership, my boy, is knowing the art of delegation. And I have delegated even the delegation.
Me: Oh. So You do nothing at all?
God: Actually, ever since the internet age started, I've been spending a lot of My time on email.
Me: Oh. What do You do about spam?
God: Spam? What does canned meat have to do with email?
Me: No, no! Not that spam. I mean junk mail. You know. Mails advertising Viagra, and Cialis, and weight-loss pills, and Valium, and longer (You know...) - and stuff?
God: Oh. Is that spam? And I thought those people were genuinely concerned about my health. You mean you're not supposed to read all of them?
Me: Of course not!
God: Well then why don't they say so in the mail that you're not supposed to read them?
Me: Because they want You to read them.
God: But you just said that you're not supposed to read them.
Me: Yes! You're not supposed to! That's why it's called Junk mail.
God: I think you are definitely in need of some Cialis or Xanax or Valium, whatever they are. You're not making any sense. I'm going to log off now. I've got three thousand six hundred and twenty nine mails to read. The mail server people have been kind enough to create a special folder for these mails since there are so many of them. They call it the Bulk Mail folder.

[God has logged off]

Me: (sigh) Why Me?

Next: Infernal conversation: Celestial Conversations - VIII