Celestial Conversation

on Posted by Rajesh J Advani
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First:
Me: Hi
God: Yes?
Me: This is God, right?
God: (short pause) I guess it is
Me: You're not sure?
God: Not really.
Me: How can you not be sure if you're God or not?
God: I've got too many things to remember. You mind if I check with my secretary?
Me: I guess not.
(Pause)
God: Hi, I'm back.
Me: Yes?
God: Apparently, I'm God.
Me: And your secretary told you that?
God: Yes.
Me: And you believed her?
God: Him.
Me: Him?
God: Yes. Why, is there a problem?
Me: Why isn't your secretary a woman?
God: (short pause) Is this a trick question?
Me: No.
God: Why should my secretary be a woman?
Me: Haven't you heard about laws against sexual discrimination?
God: Not really. But having a female secretary is just as discriminating against men, right?
Me: I guess you are right.
God: Thank you.
Me: So.
God: Yes?
Me: Are you sure you are God?
God: I told you. I am. My secretary said so.
Me: And you believed him?
God: Why wouldn't I?
Me: Well it would be a bit funny don't you think, if I were chatting on an Instant Messenger with God himself?
God: Why? What's wrong with chatting with God on an Instant Messenger?
Me: Well, one would expect God to communicate with a human being directly from the sky.
God: But wouldn't that disturb everyone else?
Me: I guess it would.
God: Good.
Me: So.
God: Yes?
Me: You're sure you're God.
God: I told you. My secretary said I am God.
Me: And you believed him?
God: I can't believe I'm having this conversation! Why wouldn't I believe him?
Me: God normally doesn't chat on Instant Messengers.
God: Who says so?
Me: I do
God: And who, if I may ask, are you?
Me: If you were God, you wouldn't need to ask.
God: Why wouldn't I need to ask?
Me: Because God is supposed to be Omniscient. All-Knowing.
God: So if I don't know who you are, I can't be God?
Me: Correct.
God: (short pause) This is interesting (another pause). But if I'm not God, who am I?
Me: That's what I'd like to know.
God: I'll ask my secretary.
(long pause)
God: I'm back.
Me: Yes?
God: My secretary says I really am God.
Me: But then why don't you know who I am?
God: My secretary explained it to me. I do know everything, but just can't remember any of it. Like for example, the fact that I am God.
Me: You know but you don't remember?
God: That is correct.
Me: I don't understand.
God: Neither do I, really. He said something about archived information. And something about some warehouses. My brain is not big enough to store everything about every universe that I created, and so only part of the information is available at any given point of time.
Me: Oh.
God: So do you believe me now?
Me: Not really.
God: Neither do I. (short pause) What is a universe?
Me: You don't know?
God: Of course, I do. I just can't remember.
Me: You know, God, or whoever you are, what you need is a Search Engine.
God: What is a search engine?
Me: Well, if you have a lot of information, and want to find the right bit at the right time, you need something to find that information for you, so that you can go and look it up.
God: A search engine? So I guess you mean that we'd put this engine in a box on wheels and use the box to move around warehouses of my knowledge, to find what I need to know?
Me: (short pause) Something like that.
God: Oh, ok. You think it'll work?
Me: It' guaranteed to work.
God: Really?
Me: Yes
God: Great! And what will we call it?
Me: Oh, I've already thought of that. We'll call it Godgle.

Next: Celestial Conversations - II

6 comments:

Rads said...

You are getting there, keep 'em coming :-)

sisyphus said...

yo! this is radhika's secret admirer. and because she begged me a hundred times i condescended to looking up your blog and am now unable to wipte a silly grin off my face. very funny stuff!!! :)

Rajesh J Advani said...

Thanks for the words :) Hope to keep your attention.

I always say, why be a secret admirer, when you can be an admirer in public? What've you got to lose anyway? ;)

Rads said...

Brilliant ! thanks for mentionin my name :p
can we go ahead an blog more now ? :-)))

Ashish Gupta said...

Hi Rajesh,

I have just finished your celestial conversation series...and I must says its a great writing. I loved every bit of it. Even if you just collect all these and publish a book...that will be great seller...I will be eagerly looking forward to your next entry in this series....keep continue...and yes, I am linking your page from my site, if thats okay..

Vaibhav said...

Amazing !