Infernal conversation: Celestial Conversations - VIII

First: Celestial Conversation
Previous: Job description: Celestial Conversations - VII

Me: Hello.
(silence)
Me: Hello?
(silence)
Me: God?
(more silence)
Me: Where the devil is he?

[The Devil has logged in]

The Devil: Did you call?
Me: Excuse Me?
The Devil: I believe you called me.
Me: No I did not!
The Devil: Oh, yes you did.
Me: I did not!
The Devil: Yes, you did. You said, "There Devil, where is he?"
Me: No! I said, "Where the devil is he?"
The Devil: Same thing.
Me: No it's not!
The Devil: Well you definitely remembered me.
Me: (short pause) I guess I did.
The Devil: And that's as good an invitation as any, you know.
Me: Is it?
The Devil: Of course! I think you've not really gone through the literature.
Me: I guess not.
The Devil: Good, then!
Me: Good?
The Devil: Oh, no, no! I meant, Really Bad.
Me: Oh.
The Devil: So, what may I do for you?
Me: Actually, I was looking for God.
The Devil: Well, then aren't you asking the wrong person?
Me: I would think so.
The Devil: You think right. Anyway. Let's fix that,
Me: Oh? How?
The Devil: Look for me instead.
Me: But you're already here.
The Devil: Exactly! So your search has ended!
Me: What?
The Devil: So, what may I do for you?
Me: Find God?
The Devil: You're still looking for Him?
Me: Yes.
The Devil: You know, you're beginning to tick me off.
Me: So, considering that you are The Devil, is that a good thing or a bad thing?
The Devil: Good question.
Me: Thank you.
The Devil: What do you think?
Me: Well, there's more than one way of looking at it.
The Devil: Oh?
Me: Yes. You're the devil. So getting angry is probably a good thing for you.
The Devil: Oh.
Me: So if I made you angry, I did you a good deed.
The Devil: That sounds right...
Me: The other way of looking at it, is that since I made you angry, and Anger is one of the seven deadly sins -
The Devil: Yes?
Me: - by making you angry, I was the one who caused the sin.
The Devil: Okay?
Me: And so I sinned too, which is a bad thing.
The Devil: Oh.
Me: So, what do you think?
The Devil: I'm not very sure.
Me: But aren't you supposed to be the expert?
The Devil: I used to be.
Me: Used to be?
The Devil: Oh, you have no idea the depths to which humanity can go. Makes me feel pretty angelic in comparison. It feels awful.
Me: And feeling awful is a good thing, or a bad thing?
The Devil: I don't know! (sob) (sob)
Me: Hey, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you cry.
The Devil: (sniffle) I'll be fine.
Me: You sure?
The Devil: I think so.
Me: That's nice.
The Devil: No, it's not!
Me: Okay, then. It's not nice.
The Devil: That's better.
Me: Or worse?
The Devil: You are crazy!
Me: No, just human.
The Devil: I'm leaving!
Me: B'bye!

[The Devil has logged out]

Me: <evil grin>

Next: Vacation: Celestial Conversations - IX