One Hundred Things To Rant About: Post #100

on Posted by Rajesh J Advani
My first ever article/story published online was a collection of rants. So were a large number of posts I have published on this blog. The title of this blog itself, is a rant.

You see, my favourite activity in the world is to complain. When I was born, my first thought was - "Put me back in there! This place is cold! And it smells!"

My mother has had to bear the brunt of my complaining. When I was a kid, I used to complain about anything she cooked. Everything I ate, was too hot. Hot as in temperature, most of the time. And if it was ice cold, then it was still too hot. As in spicy. I have even claimed to find salted yoghurt too spicy. All the women who've had the misfortune to cook for me (my mom and my aunts), have at some time considered replacing the salt with rat poison. But they know I'd probably complain that the food smelt weird.

In spite of all the complaining though, I've been known to keep a cheery disposition. Most of the time, anyway. The secret to that, of course, is the complaining.
  1. I enjoy it.
  2. Having complained about something, I find it infinitely easier to deal with.
Of course, there is the problem of those things that you can't complain about. Things you're not allowed to complain about. Things that are too personal to tell anyone else. Things you can't share with anyone. These pent up frustrations can be quite depressing. But there's a slight solution to that too, right? Complain that you can't complain!

Yes. I'm quite crazy.

So, on this hundredth post of mine, I thought I'd compile a list of one hundred things that I have complained about at some time in my life.

In no particular order -
  1. Homework.
  2. Teachers who gave homework.
  3. Having to learn more than one language.
  4. Having to learn more than two languages.
  5. Exams.
  6. The fact that there are Integral equations that cannot be solved (Yes, I'm quite the math buff).
  7. Engineering submissions.
  8. No work.
  9. Too much work.
  10. Deadlines.
  11. Computers with 1GB of RAM that take 25 seconds to delete a zero-byte file.
  12. That there are no single women left on this planet.
  13. Women who claim they are single but really aren't.
  14. Children who swear more than I do.
  15. Not being able to bring myself to swear as much as some of my female classmates.
  16. Not being able to speak every third sentence without the F-word.
  17. Having to watch clean versions of movies on Star Movies with all the interesting parts removed.
  18. Global poverty.
  19. Global warming.
  20. Pollution.
  21. Printers that don't make it easy to print on both sides of the paper.
  22. Being misunderstood.
  23. Cafeteria food.
  24. My own cooking.
  25. Missing mom's cooking.
  26. That eating Chhole Bhature can give you gas.
  27. Having to eat rice everyday once I moved to Chennai.
  28. Chennai auto-rickshaw drivers.
  29. Power-failures in the sweltering Chennai summer.
  30. Waiting for the rains on a hot summer day.
  31. Waiting for the sun to come out on a rainy day.
  32. Potholes.
  33. People playing Holi with permanent colours.
  34. Women who ruffle my hair and mess it up minutes after I finally got it looking presentable.
  35. Women who say I'm "So Sweet!".
  36. That all women are different.
  37. That all women are the same.
  38. Being called "Uncle" when I was seventeen.
  39. Being the only person my age at a party.
  40. Attending a friend's wedding to find that they're the only people I know.
  41. Having to rice with my hands at a South-Indian wedding because a spoon would damage the banana leaf.
  42. Being given a spoon at the next South-Indian wedding even though I didn't ask for it.
  43. Plagiarism.
  44. Writer's block.
  45. People who write emails and blogs as if they were writing an SMS.
  46. HTML mail.
  47. Browsers that don't support web standards (read as IE).
  48. Inequality of the sexes.
  49. Men who beat their wives.
  50. Child-molestation.
  51. Rape.
  52. Suicide.
  53. Murder.
  54. Terrorism.
  55. Communalism.
  56. Sexism.
  57. Racism.
  58. Casteism.
  59. Hate.
  60. Cities where people lack civic sense.
  61. Cars that cost too much.
  62. Rising petrol prices.
  63. Restaurants in the US that give you ice in your water when the temperature outside is -5°F (~ -20°C).
  64. Sugar in lime-juice (Yes, like I mentioned before, I've got very specific tastes).
  65. People who don't follow the instructions on the back of the box when cooking Knorr instant soups even if it turns out more tasty than when I tried.
  66. Having to watch that growing dust-gathering pile of washed clothes on my roommate's bed, because he was too lazy to put them in the closet.
  67. Years later, watching a growing dust-gathering pile of washed clothes on my own bed, because I do not have the time (I'll fold them today, I promise).
  68. The fact that Lime'n'Spoon is not a national sport.
  69. Knowing that we probably won't learn if there is any other intelligent life in the universe, in my lifetime.
  70. The fact that I picked up my first Isaac Asimov book only after Asimov died.
  71. Not being able to lay my hands on a single unused copy of Asimov's Empire novels.
  72. That Douglas Adams never finished writing his last book.
  73. Talkative fellow passengers on an eight-hour flight when you are in no mood to socialize.
  74. Fellow passengers who keep to themselves on a nine-hour flight when you are extremely bored.
  75. Rude flight-stewardesses.
  76. Airline food.
  77. Mini pretzels.
  78. Juice shops that add water to their milk-shakes.
  79. Needing to have malaria to get time off from work.
  80. The fact that almost all my friends are getting engaged or married by the end of this year.
  81. People who buy movie tickets in black.
  82. Friends making me watch a movie with tickets bought in black.
  83. Hard and extremely sharp grass in the company lawn that was planted to make sure the employees do NOT sit on it.
  84. Reading a suspense story through to the end, only to find the last page missing.
  85. People who give away the plot of a book before you start reading it.
  86. Finding out who the killer was in the movie "Kaun" before I saw the movie.
  87. That most movie/book reviews have spoilers.
  88. That no word rhymes with "Orange".
  89. Missing a large number of movies I wanted to watch because I didn't have company.
  90. Reaching the US when a movie I wanted to watch is no longer running in movie halls.
  91. Returning back to India to find that the movie is no longer running in movie halls there either.
  92. That it's extremely difficult to get company to watch a show on Broadway.
  93. That my cellular provider won't switch me to a post-paid plan without changing my number.
  94. Spam.
  95. Having to throw away food because we couldn't eat it all before it went bad.
  96. People who don't cover their mouth and nose when they sneeze or cough.
  97. People who put the wrong thing in the wrong shelf (No, the plates do NOT go in the same shelf as the pressure cooker!).
  98. People who don't try to clean up the mess right after they spill something.
  99. Roommates who use your blanket without asking if they can.
  100. That when it comes to things to complain about, one hundred is too small a number.
There! I feel better now.


Nimbus said...

Now you've gone and inspired me to crib and complain :) And btw, my sympathies to your mom and aunts.

Good to see you back! :)

Nimbus said...

And I forgot to add - congratulations on completing one hundred! Now you are officially a grandaddy blogger! :)

Rajesh J Advani said...

Megha: Ah, glad to know that :) Join the gang! The more the merrier I always say :)

Thanks for the wishes too! But Grandaddy? I think you missed Rant #38 ;)

Anonymous said...

Absolutely enjoyed the post. Keep complaining and keep us smiling.

Swathi Sambhani aka Chimera said...

kewl blog n congrats on ur century.

i cud identify with most of ur cribs. :))

Words Worth said...

Aw, you're so sweet. :))

And being called 'Uncle' when you were only 17? And now you're 25. Hmmm. that might explain you can't find women!! :))

Now to say something nice... ummm... i'll think of something soon, promise! :))

Sid said...

But, 'Uncle' chocolate is better in color. congrats on your century.

dumbs said...

good list...most of which I can relate long did it take though?

Rajesh J Advani said...

Joseph: I will :) Keep complaining, that is :) Hope it keeps you smiling. Thank you for the kind words. :)

Swathi: I may not know how to connect a bat to a ball, but centuries I can reach :) And good to know you crib about a lot of the same things :)

Words Worth: Now I can crib about "people who read my blog and leave comments just to irritate me" :D Yaay! One more thing to crib about! Thank you!

Sid: Uncle may kaho na! LOL! I was a little puzzled about your comment until I remembered the M&M ad :) And thanks for the congrats :)

Dumbs: I wrote the first 94 in around 4 hours. Interspersed with work. Finished off with the rest at night. The post was started a week ago, though :) So you can say I had a few days to think about the list before I actually started them :D
But people who know me, will tell you that 100 is a very low number coming from me. I need to publish a sequel :D

a-hem said...

COMRADE! Fellow ranter! We must unite in our whining...

Okay, I'm getting carried away.

LOL @ #26 and 88


Maro Maro .. chauka chakka Sao Maro
(if u have heard the boyz number in Tam)

Waiting for more to come along !!!

La Louve said...

Cool list there! Am a major cribber too and won another nickname cos of that...

La Louve said...

no sugar in lime juice? eww..

Rajesh J Advani said...

a-hem: It really is a tragedy about the Chhole Bhature, don't you think? :)

Rajesh_worry: Never heard the song you are talking about - assuming you're talking about a song. Don't tempt me about more ranting! This blog might just become a crib sheet :D

Weetabix: I prefer salt :) I wonder what the nickname is, though. *scratching chin*

Megamind said...

In one word: TERRIFIC!

Man, you are tooooo good! Couldn't stop laughing...

I liked 1, 5, 18, 50, 51, 53, 54, 55, 56, 57, 58, 89, 94 and 100.

Kumari said...

Congrats on both the centuries - the post n the rant!.
And yeah moi agrees with most :)

Keep blogging more often :)

Manchus said...

For 88. how about Derange or Strange?

Anyways, this was one hell of a post. I salute thee!!

L said...

U take a long gap between your consecutive posts... It is sometimes frustrating to check the link daily and not find the new post..

However ur writing proves that it was worth the wait..!! Interesting pieces indeed...!

dumbs said...

check anti's blog...he's mentioned u

csy0182 said...

Wow.... U r the perfect living example of "Oxymorons"

Rajesh J Advani said...

loverBoy: Thanks! Glad you liked :)

Kumari: Will keep blogging, and you keep coming back :)

Manchus: That's exactly what I used to think, and found out that I was wrong. Then I thought it rhymes with binge and that was wrong too. I then thought about Stone Henge but even that was wrong. So now I don't know how to pronounce Orange. :)
And I salute thee back :)

L: That is among the better compliments I've ever got :) Hey, if you combine compliment with complaint then can you call that a complaiment? :)

Dumbs: Hey thanks! I went, I saw, and I commented :) Now how do you say that in Latin?

Sanjiv: Thank goodness the M wasn't in caps :)

Anonymous said...

Deleting a file has nothing to do with the amount of RAM your computer has. Well, very less RAM can affect the amount of time taken for doing file operations, but increasing the RAM will not speed them beyond a point. The bottleneck is not RAM. Your files and their inodes reside on your hard drive. In a *nix system, deleting a file would mean fetching the inode of the directory in which the file resides, and in the process, the inodes of all the directories that you have to go through to access the target directory. So most of the time is spent in doing disk I/O. I am not too familiar with the data structures used in Window's filesystem, but I suspect it something very similar.

Rajesh J Advani said...

steppenwolf: Deleting a file has nothing to do with the amount of RAM your computer has.

That's exactly what my crib is :) Why does speed have to depend on so many factors? Alright, don't get me wrong here. I do know why it depends on so many factors. But I believe I was born with the right to crib about it :D

Kavitha said...

Rant# 92... my friend in Storrs, CT complains non-stop about the same thing too. May be when he comes to NY, you can go together, if neither of you minds male company that is :-)

Love the complaining!

Rajesh J Advani said...

Kavitha: Thanks! Male company? Hmmm. I wonder why I didn't think of that myself ;)

Suhail said...

I see that JALS I,II haven't helped in #12,#13, #35 :-( btw #35 is dangerous. get out of it soon, before they tie a rakhi or make you a mooh-bola-bhai.

#14, #15, #98, #99: Totally with you.

#88. so 'Strange'?

Man, I was supposed to send you a mail and all. Sorry got stuck up in few things here. Lets just say, I will do a special prayer, that in your next #100 list, may all yr women woes be replaced with wifey/hubby ones!! ;-)

Rajesh J Advani said...

Suhail: The reason you've given is exactly the reason I complain about #35 :) Sooner or later the either present you with a Rakhi, or a wedding invitation :) But then that was my first online rant ever!

Btw, if you ask me, I'd rather not have wifey/hubby woes, no? I guess I'm still naive enough to believe in the term "Happily Married" :D

Anonymous said...

Haha I love it buddy. There is nothing like going on a good rant to make yourself feel better. That's actually why i created where anyone can go and rant about anything they choose and argue with other people, tell people off, get things offf their chest. Its the best form of psychiatry going! Check it out.

Anonymous said...

well done ^_^ I am a ranter myself but I rant on youtube in cam version, makes it easier :p

Anonymous said...

Ooh, yeah! ^_^ LOVE the ranting! You've got quite a lot to rant about, and it's just so fun and funky!

Orange... nup, can't think of ANYTHING that rhymes with orange. And what a about purple? Ugh! Why is it the colors that have to be torturous?

More to rant about:
1) terrible spelling on the internet and in posts
2) eating habits and how disgusting they are
3) teenage boyfriend/girlfriend relationships
4) excessive use of the word "like"
5) the smell of feet in your face in the morning
I hope that helped get you started on your next list! LOLZ!

She said...

Good now I have rant topics!

Brazilian fan said...

Really good post!You've inspired me to rant more about things!Keep complaining...

Rowdy Reign said...

I enjoyed this post definitely made me laugh. :)

michelle said...

this was very helpful! thanks =)

Maria said...

Hello! I'm in grade 8 and I have an assignment where i need to rant about something, it needs to be age appropriate as well, so can u give me an idea/topic?

Rajesh J Advani said...

@Maria Do you think girls have different rules than boys? Maybe that's something to rant about :)

Unknown said...

Haha, love the last one!

Bella Fern said...

Well, with the orange rhyming thing, the Oxford English Dictionary (i.e. the complete one) says that "norange" is a word, because "an orange" used to be "a norange". So technically that rhymes...I know I'm clutching at straws here, though.

Unknown said...

i like the artical alot very useful

Anonymous said...

LOL door hinge rhymes with orange, love the rants, and it rly helped me with a homewrok, where wwe had to write a rant!!
Thanks so much

Anonymous said...

You should put "Having mean parents" and Racism

Anonymous said...

Not very useful

Anonymous said...

are you against racism because it is not there

Anonymous said...

number 88 is wrong lol

Anonymous said...

Number 88 is incorrect! In fact two words rhyme with orange. They are Blorenge and Sporange!!!!! Do your research!!!!!
- A Angry Tyson

Anonymous said...

Blorenge rhymes with orange though, its a mountain in wales

Anonymous said...

and pourage rhymes with orange

CyberRae said...

88 is wrong, Jesus rhymes with orange because: he is the answer to everything. XD

Anonymous said...

cyberrae is right

Anonymous said...

well then

Anonymous said...

Foreign rhymes with orange. Bruh.

Anonymous said...

ya'll are a bunch of idiots

Anonymous said...

trying to find a good rant for my teacher.