Population Control: Celestial Conversations XII

First: Celestial Conversation
Previous: Big Daddy: Celestial Conversations XI

Me: Hello?
God: Hello.
Me: God?
God: Yes?
Me: (phew) I think I spoke to Your daughter yesterday.
God: You did?
Me: Yes. She was logged in as Your secretary.
God: She was?
Me: Yes. She said she was six years old, called You Daddy and said You'd gone to get her some ice-cream.
God: Oh, you mean Pinky!
Me: Yes.
God: I'm sorry, with all living things being called Children of God, I had no idea which daughter you were talking aout.
Me: All living things?
God: It wasn't my idea.
Me: Oh, so Pinky isn't really Your daughter?
God: I thought we just decided that she is.
Me: No, I mean actual daughter.
God: Actual?
Me: You know, seed-of-Your-loins kind of daughter?
God: Seed of... Oh! Ha ha! No, no, no! Where'd you get that idea?
Me: Well, she called You Daddy.
God: That's just kid-speak for 'Father'. Of Father, Son and Holy Spirit fame.
Me: Oh. So are there lots of children in heaven?
God: Oh, lots. So many that we don't have enough adults to take care of them.
Me: More children than adults?
God: Of course. It's difficult finding adults with no sins to their name.
Me: Oh. How many adults do You have in heaven?
God: I think at last count, it was... let me check... fourteen.
Me: Fourteen??? That's it?
God: Yes. Well it was fifteen until last week, but then Gandhi defected.
Me: Defected?
God: Yes. He said he'd had enough of abstinence.
Me: But... but... trillions of human beings have probably died on earth. How can heaven only have fourteen?
God: It's not easy following all the ten commandments, you know. Even Gandhi had taken my name in vain a number of times. He only got through because he came highly recommended. And he's already defected.
Me: So all the other trillions go to Hell?
God: Of course not. The population of hell is approximately two hundred and seventy-eight.
Me: Then where do the rest of them go?
God: I have absolutely no idea.

Next: Soul Proprietorship: Celestial Conversations - XIII