House-hunting: Celestial Conversations - XIV

First: Celestial Conversation
Previous: Soul Proprietorship: Celestial Conversations - XIII

God: Hello?
Me: Hi, God.
God: Hi. I was looking for you.
Me: Really?
God: Yes, I need some help.
Me: You need some help? From me?
God: Yes. Are you looking for a roommate?
Me: I'm sorry?
God: Are you looking for a roommate?
Me: Well, not really. Why?
God: Oh, my landlord threw me out, so I need a place to stay.
Me: Your landlord threw You out?
God: Yes. So it would be very helpful if you could tell me about someone I could room with until I have this accomodation thing worked out.
Me: But You're God!
God: Well what does that have anything to do with it?
Me: You're God!
God: You now sound like a broken record. Can't you try to be of some help instead?
Me: I mean who ever heard of God not having a place to live?
God: That's what my landlord said when he kicked me out. So, can you help me?
Me: Well, actually, any place of worship is generally considered a House of God.
God: Oh, that didn't work. They threw Me out too. I tried temples, churches, mosques, synagogues, tabernacles, even pyramids!
Me: I don't think Pyramids are technically places of worship.
God: They aren't?
Me: I don't think so.
God: Interesting.
Me: But everyone threw You out?
God: Yes. They claimed they were places of worship, not homeless shelters.
Me: They thought You were a homeless person?
God: I am, aren't I?
Me: Yes, but... You know... You're not a homeless person!
God: Have you been listening? That's exactly what I am.
Me: No, I mean... I mean where is God expected to stay if not a House of God?
God: That's what I said. I didn't really understand the answer. It was something about it being like expecting to find justice in court or something...
Me: Oh, forget it...
God: Easy for you to say. I've been sleeping on park benches for the past few days.
Me: Park Benches?
God: Yes. And even there I have some people telling me that certain benches belong to them!
Me: That must be some experience.
God: Not a very good one.
Me: I'm sure.
God: So, can you help me?
Me: I'd like to, but unfortunately, we don't really have any space currently.
God: At this time I think I'm supposed to use a lame line like "People don't have any space for God in their hearts even" or something.
Me: That's pretty lame.
God: I know.
Me: So what are You going to do, then?
God: Get a real estate agent, I guess.
Me: That's probably a good idea. But what about the rest?
God: The rest of what?
Me: Residents of Heaven?
God: Currently, my boy, there is no Heaven.
Me: Right, so where's everyone else?
God: Hell, of course.
Me: You sent everyone to Hell?
God: Yes, I thought it would be a nice experience for everyone.
Me: But Hell?
God: It's not as bad as it sounds, you know.
Me: It's not?
God: You should look at the mosquito problem at some of the popular vacation spots. The least you can say about Hell is that they have no mosquitoes.
Me: Oh. So why don't you stay there too?
God: God in Hell? It goes against the principle of the thing, man.
Me: Right.
God: Anyway. I'll be heading off. I have an appointment with a real estate guy in an hour.
Me: Well, All the best.
God: Thanks. I'll need it. Bye.
Me: Bye.

Next: Return Of The... King? : Celestial Conversations - XV