Prayers and Art: Celestial Conversations - XX

on Posted by Rajesh J Advani
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First: Celestial Conversation
Previous: Bye, Mom! Bye Dad!!: Celestial Conversations XIX



God: Hello.
Me: Hi! So what have You been up to?
God: Oh, quite a lot, actually. We're working on getting that new school up and running.
Me: Ah, that must feel nice.
God: Yes, it does. It's been quite a long time since I've involved Myself personally in helping out.
Me: Really?
God: Yes, quite a long time. The last time I personally did something to help someone, was when I taught Leonardo to sketch.
Me: Da Vinci???
God: No, of course not! He's the one who taught Me to paint. I meant Di Caprio.
Me: What?
God: For that movie he did about that ship that sank.
Me: The Titanic?
God: Ah, yes. That's the one.
Me: You taught Leonardo Di Caprio how to sketch for that movie?
God: Well, I tried. I'm supposed to be the best teacher there is, but Leo was not a very good student. I heard that the director finally decided to do the sketch himself.
Me: Do You have any idea what the sketch was of?
God: No, unfortunately not. I got bored and left early.
Me: Good.
God: Good?
Me: Oh nothing, nothing! So, You watch movies?
God: I try to. I find the whole idea of movie-making quite interesting.
Me: You do?
God: Oh yes! Fiction, theatre, movies - they're all a wonderful concept that you people have come up with. It's a celebration of the act of lying. Human beings are really quite a strange species, don't you think?
Me: Um, I guess we are.
God: Oh, you definitely are. There was this guy I used to talk to, a few hundred years ago. His name had something to do with milk-shakes.
Me: Milk-shakes?
God: Yes. It was a strange name. Anyway. So he's the one who explained the concept to Me. It's quite simple, really. You start with a small lie, build a large number of lies around the first one, and keep going until you get bored. That's fiction. Act it out, and that's theatre. Capture it on film, and that's movies.
Me: Interesting definitions there.
God: Oh, you must take My word for it. He explained it quite clearly. He even made Me write a few stories just to make sure I understood how it worked.
Me: Really? What did You write?
God: Oh, nothing special. Very amateurish stuff. There was one about this young couple who fell in love, but their parents wouldn't let them get married. So they killed themselves.
Me: Umm...
God: And one about a pair of twins - a girl and a boy. Both of them were cross-dressers.
Me: Er...
God: That one was a bit ahead of its time.
Me: Yes, but -
God: And there was one about these three women who used to meet for a cup of coffee around this cauldron in the middle of the jungle, and give people bad advice. The wife of one of the guys who took their advice got OCD.
Me: OCD?
God: Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. She kept wanting to wash her hands.
Me: That's -
God: Yes, like I said, quite amateurish.
Me: I won't even ask. But You were saying that Leonardo Da Vinci taught You to paint?
God: Yes. But I must say I wasn't very good at it.
Me: You weren't?
God: No. I tried painting a portrait of this woman once. I could never get her face right.
Me: Oh.
God: Yes. I kept getting the smile wrong. It looked hideous.
Me: You -
God: Oh it was an embarrassment. I believe it even hung in someone's bathroom for sometime.
Me: You painted -
God: Oh, look at the time! I must be going now. We're taking admissions for the school.
Me: Oh, okay.
God: Bye!
Me: Hey, God.
God: Yes?
Me: Wanted to say one thing before You left.
God: Yes?
Me: Don't take this the wrong way.
God: Go ahead.
Me: Well, a friend of mine is going into surgery today.
God: Oh.
Me: I just wanted to... um... I hope it all goes fine.
God: Oh.
Me: You don't have to reply to what I'm saying.
God: Okay.
Me: Prayers sometimes get answered, but they tend not to be conversational.
God: Right.
Me: So, I'm just praying that it go well.
God: Right.
Me: That's all I wanted to say.
God: Okay.
Me: Um... I'll be going now.
God: Right. Right. Me too. Lots of stuff to do.
Me: Bye, then.
God: Bye.



Next: Belief: Celestial Conversations - XXI

13 comments:

Manish Bhatt said...

Nice. As always. But I didn't get all the innuendos. Guy whose name has something to do with milkshakes. Lovers who died (Romeo & Juliet?). Twin cross dressers. There women, one got OCD. And then there's Mona Lisa.

loverBoy said...

Great! It was good to read a CC after such a long time.

Rajesh, like Manish, I too didn't get the milkshake stuff. But the stories were actually Shakespeare's plays (Romeo & Juliet, A Midsummer Night's Dream and Macbeth), right?

Primalsoup said...

I know I am going to sound like an over excited teenager gushing and all, but I have always been a lurker in your Blog and enjoyed most of what you write.
I am pretty intrigued by this “Celestial Conversation...”, especially as I see myself becoming more and more upset with his/or hers sense of humour each day!:) I suspect though when I read this conversation bit, you are actually the god person and the ‘me’ is someone else.
And you managed to insult the Bard’s wisdom and Da Vinci’s teaching skills in a space of few lines?! And a painting hung in someone’s bathroom?? Errmmm, it must be good to be god! Hmmm…

Anonymous said...

Hey Rajesh,

Had known you since the early chanakya and cadence days but didn't knew about your stories. Recently, a friend of mine forwarded the link to your famous story, JALS in Sulekha. It was good. I really enjoyed reading it.

The latest cadence has your blog page link, which got me browsing your blogs. Liked quite a lot of them.

Now, I feel like meeting you in person. So, when are you back in Chennai?

-Muzam.

Rajesh J Advani said...

Manish: Thanks! I guess the milkshake thing is really very vague. So you should probably ignore that :) My sense of humour can get pretty skewed sometimes :D
And I'll let you guess for a bit longer on the rest of the stuff :)
(Never expected this post to turn into a guessing game!)

LoverBoy: Thanks for the words. :)
Midsummer Night's Dream had twins? I think I need to go brush up on my Shakespeare :) No, I was thinking something else for that one :)

PrimalSoup: Very interesting theory you've got there :) I guess I tend to switch places every now and then. Lots of times both characters are me :) After all, isn't God inside all of us?
Kabir said that once, didn't he?
Me, insult the greats? That would be like blasphemy! Me just giving it a slightly different perspective :)
And yes, Francois I of France was quite a strange man :D
And thanks for the words. Hope you'll keep returning :)

Muzam: Thanks! Nice to know you liked my stories and my blogs. Hope you keep returning to read more :)
Back to India before the year is up, hopefully. But who knows where time leads us? :)

loverBoy said...

Thinking about it, I suppose its The Comedy of Errors and not A Midsummer Night's Dream...

Words Worth said...

twelfth night and macbeth.

Words Worth said...

and milk shakes because it has to do with shakes peare??

Kumari said...

Damn...am this short girl in the last bench, whose upright hand the Teacher missed :(
I knew the plays but then the point i came to make is - Loveley Post :)

And hope the surgery went fine :)

B.C. said...

Great post. Prayers sometimes get answered, but they tend not to be conversational. True, so true. :). Lovely post.

Rajesh J Advani said...

loverBoy: Nice try :) I was thinking of talking about that too, but couldn't come up with a good hint :)

Words Worth: Yes, yes, and yes :) Ever had a Pear Shake? I haven't. But let me know if you like it :D

Kumari: The teacher gives the short girl a special prize (specially for calling this a "Lovely post"). :) And the teacher also reserves the front bench for the short girl :)

And thanks the kind words about the surgery too. I haven't heard about the results yet, but I'm praying that everything went perfectly.

Bhavv Chawla: Thanks for the words :) And do come back!

stiletto said...

Hi, started with this, and then ended up reading all of your celestial posts! fantastic work. loved all of them! :)

Rajesh J Advani said...

stiletto: Thanks :) Nice to know you liked them that much. I've normally been told by people that they don't have the patience to go through the archives to read all of them :)

Hope you come back to read more. And I'll try to post a little more often. Really! :)