Bye, Mom! Bye Dad!!: Celestial Conversations XIX

on Posted by Rajesh J Advani
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Me: Hello
God: Hi.
Me: So, Your parents still around?
God: They just left yesterday.
Me: Oh. So soon?
God: That's exactly what I was thinking. Time seems to have flown by.
Me: I know the feeling. It must have been hard watching them go.
God: That it was. I cried like a baby.
Me: You did?
God: Yeah. Never saw Myself as the kind of person who cries because He misses His Mommy.
Me: I'm sure no one else did either.
God: Not a very Godly image, right?
Me: You could say that gain. Anyway. So I guess You're going to have to start cooking again.
God: Oh, don't remind Me. Life sucks enough already.
Me: That it does.
God: Know what else sucks?
Me: What?
God: The earth.
Me: Hunh?
God: People think it's gravity that keeps them on the planet. In reality, the earth just sucks.
Me: Umm...
God: I read that on a T-Shirt.
Me: Oh.
God: I thought it was quite funny.
Me: Ha ha.
God: So anyway. For now it's just Me and the cat.
Me: Right. Hey, did You hear about the Pope?
God: Oh, did I ever! The gang hasn't talked about anything else, since they heard.
Me: You mean like the welcoming committee?
God: Welcoming Committee?
Me: I mean for when he comes to Heaven.
God: Oh, no! The row is about whether he does.
Me: Hunh?
God: Well, there's this big argument that started about whether he should be allowed into Heaven at all.
Me: Oh? Why?
God: Well, St Peter has gone on vacation for six months, and nobody can seem to find the Big Book.
Me: St Peter is on vacation?
God: Oh, yes. We don't add more than one person to Heaven in a couple of centuries anyway. So it's not like he's got a high pressure job or anything.
Me: Oh.
God: And a Pope's soul generally doesn't retire. They just inhabit the next chap.
Me: Ah.
God: But this one has had it, he says. He got tired of living.
Me: Okay. But what's the argument about.
God: Well, there're some who believe that since he's a man of God, and has been one all his life, he should enter Heaven. And then there're those who say that he doesn't believe in the "All men are created equal" theory, and that letting him into Heaven would be trouble. Quite a racket they've created.
Me: Interesting.
God: Too interesting for My tastes. I'm just sitting it out. I told them to figure it out and tell Me what they decide.
Me: The gang, I assume, is everyone else in Heaven?
God: Yes. And every one of them has got an opinion. Dad likes to call them The Gang. I guess it's better than calling them the inmates. Definitely feels like a nuthouse though, sometimes.
Me: Okay. And they've been discussing it since he died?
God: Actually the argument started a month before his death.
Me: Oh?
God: Yes. The Pope sent in a "Fate decision request" around that time. At least while Mom was here, she was presiding the committee.
Me: She was?
God: Yes. The gang can be can be quite unruly. She had them take turns to talk, and everything. Before that, all I'd hear is one loud din.
Me: Interesting.
God: But now she's left, and they're driving Me crazy. I wish I could take a vacation.
Me: You? Then who would be God?
God: Well, I was watching "Bruce Almighty" the other day. In the movie, I left a guy in charge for a week.
Me: But that was a movie. And You saw the mess the man made of the world.
God: Do you think the world's not already a mess? How much worse could it get?
Me: Good point there. But who would You leave in charge?
God: Well, you're as good as anyone else.
Me: Me?
God: Of course.
Me: But why me?
God: Well why Me?
Me: But I'm not equipped to be God!
God: You think I am?
Me: At least You have aeons of experience!
God: That's just an excuse to not take up the job. See, that's one of the things you need to improve about yourself. You shouldn't be afraid to meet a challenge head-on.
Me: I don't think my insurance covers that kind of head-on collision. And anyway, I have a project deadline coming up. I can't take on the job of being God!
God: Oh. That's okay, then. But how about after this project?
Me: No!
God: Why not?
Me: I have projects lined up one after the other till the day I die.
God: Oh. That sounds like My job. Anyway. I'd better start cooking. Or I'll go hungry tonight.
Me: Yes, You do that.
God: See ya, then.
Me: Bye.

Next: Prayers and Art: Celestial Conversations - XX


Manchus said...

Nice post. I have always been reading your posts and have loved your writing style. Keep up the good work.

Anonymous said...

really hats off to ur creativity...!
but don't u think a lil matter in there can be controversial?
neways....good one...

Tyler D said...

That was sooooooooo funny!!!!! haha

Loved the way your mind works, is very cute... I love to read this! Will read it again! hehe ;)

Rajesh J Advani said...

Manchus: Thanks! Do keep coming back :)

Anon: Thanks for the kind words :) Yes, I guess it could be taken to be a little controversial, but I've not really said anything negative. I've only pointed out the differing views of people in the world. The controversy is out there :)
Glad to know you liked it anyway :)

Tyler D: Thanks! Nice to know you found it so funny :) Makes writing it worth my while :) Do come back!

the_free_soul said...

u are AWESOME.i got to ur blog frm fwd of the link of tht love story written by u on sulekha.Is it a miracle of imagination or is preeti for real.
pls mail me at m eagerly waitin

Rajesh J Advani said...

The Free Soul: Thanks for the words :) Miracle or not, Preeti Mehra is very much a figment of my imagination :) Read about how I came up with the story in my post Making of Just Another Love Story :)

dumbs said...

RJA like the_free_soul I was wondering the same thing when I read JALS the first u got to come up with JALS - 2 or something....that one rocks anyday!

Heartcrossings said...

Nice. Here is something I had posted on the Papal election

Rohit said...

Good stuff as usual!

theGodOfDevil said...

hey buddy, i thought i am the best blogger till i visited your blog page. In one word, your posts are the BEST stuff around.

i just go gaga over them. keep up the work, pal and keep posting, eh?

hey, can i reproduce them (with ya blog link, of course)?

Words Worth said...

I like it man, i like it. this is kind of celestial world i'd love to live in.

i read all 29 at one go. impatiently waiting for more.

Words Worth said...

oops, i meant 19 :-)

portuguesa nova said...

Great post, indeed.

Rohit said...

An update in the offing?
Also, why don't use a chat box like shoutmix or TAG; would make it easier for lazy souls like us ;)

Manjusha said...

Good one!! :)

Rajesh J Advani said...

dumbs: Hey, good to see that you returned to the blogging scene :) About JALS, I have been told that Preeti Mehra sounds very real. Heck, for a while there even I believed she existed ;)
No plans for a JALS-2 now, though. Why? Oh, that's another story :D

HeartCrossings: Nice report on the election :) And thanks for visiting!

Rohit: Thanks! Updates galore in the offing, but no idea when they're gonna make it to the onning :) Naah, just kidding. Hope to post in a couple of days. Writer's block is beginning to compete with withdrawal symptoms :)
And I don't believe in Tagboards yet :) I hate scrollbars!

TheGodOfDevil: Would love to check your blog out, but didn't find a link :) I want to keep posting, but am currently caught in Writer's block hell. What to do? :)
You may reproduce excerpts with a link :) I'm a little paranoid about complete reproduction. Been a victim of a chain reaction before :)

Words Worth: Yes, only 19. :) I was thinking to myself "29? Oh, I've written that many?"
I was wondering whether I wanted "Celestial Conversations XXX" to be in the title of my next blog :)
Thanks for the words and keep visiting :)

Portuguesa Nova: Thanks! :)

Manjusha: Thank you!

Vijay said...

could have been god for a week... [;)]