Godparents : Celestial Conversations - XVII

on Posted by Rajesh J Advani
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Previous: God's Will? : Celestial Conversations - XVI



God: Hello
Me: Hi! Where have You been?
God: Oh, I spent the last few weeks mostly sleeping.
Me: Sleeping?
God: Yes. Had to stock up on it. My parents are coming over this weekend.
Me: Your parents? You have parents?
God: Is that a problem?
Me: But You are God!
God: Why do you keep saying that?
Me: But how come You have parents?
God: Oh, pretty simple. I put myself up for adoption.
Me: Adoption?
God: Of course. Apparently, people without parents do that.
Me: Only children can be put up for adoption!
God: That sounds very discriminatory to me.
Me: I can't argue with that. But why did You put Yourself up for adoption?
God: Oh, filling out government forms was becoming quite a hassle. They keep asking for your parents' names everywhere.
Me: Oh. So You fill government forms.
God: I had to. They were telling me I didn't exist.
Me: Ah.
God: Yes. Filling those forms became quite necessary. And now I've filled so many forms that they think I exist all over the place.
Me: Interesting.
God: So what was I talking about?
Me: Oh, You were telling me that's why You got Yourself new parents.
God: Yeah.
Me: Okay. So You just went out and got them, eh?
God: Well, it wasn't an easy decision.
Me: Really? Why?
God: Well, most of the candidates wanted the scriptures to be rewritten to read "The GrandFather, The GrandMother, The Father, The Son & The Holy Spirit."
Me: Oh! That's quite unreasonable.
God: Not really. The trouble was meeting the Pope to ask him to do that.
Me: What?
God: Yes. His secretary told me his appointments are booked till the year 2025.
Me: You actually thought the demand was okay, then?
God: Why not? If I'm The Supreme Father, then my parents are The Supreme Grandparents, right?
Me: Right. So how did you get these ones to agree?
God: Well, Dad was already quite famous. He prefers to lie low these days. He's so famous they even wrote a book about him.
Me: Oh?
God: Yes. More than thirty years ago.
Me: Ah.
God: And the book was so popular they even made a movie out of it. Marlon Brando played Dad.
Me: Wow. That's cool.
God: I know. Dad was really something. People used to call us The Family. It was fun.
Me: Oh. You mean Your father was... The... The...
God: Exactly. But he's retired now.
Me: Wow. Not hard to see why You chose him. Given what they called him, it's almost like he was destined for the job.
God: Well, if he was My choice, then isn't it destiny anyway?
Me: I always thought Destiny was a girl.
God: That she is.
Me: Really?
God: Yep. Skinny, brown-haired, and freckled. Wears braces for the effect of it. I never understood that. She's got perfectly straight teeth.
Me: Oh. So she works for You?
God: No way. I can't afford her rates.
Me: No? Then she works for the Dev-... him?
God: No, no. She's more of a free-lancer.
Me: Oh. Anyway. What does Your parents coming over, have to do with Your stocking up on sleep?
God: Have you heard my dad snore?
Me: Oh. That bad?
God: Like you wouldn't believe. Where my dad sleeps, the neighbours often think they're having an earthquake.
Me: Ah. And you live in a studio.
God: Yes.
Me: Isn't it about time You got a bigger apartment?
God: Yes. I'm in the process of doing that.
Me: Oh, that's nice. Where are you moving?
God: Sri Lanka.
Me: That sounds interesting.
God: Yes. They wanted to build a school in one of the places that got washed out by the Tsunami. So we offered to take it up.
Me: So You're going to start a new school? That's really nice. But how can you afford that?
God: Oh that's simple. It's all paid for by charity.
Me: That's nice.
God: Yes, and the best thing is that they're going to build teachers' quarters.
Me: So You're going to get the rest of the crew to join You too?
God: Yes. They were beginning to miss Heaven.
Me: But are fourteen people enough to start a school?
God: Oh, Lucifer is going to help out. He's going to send some of his people over as visiting faculty.
Me: What?
God: Well, what do you expect me to do? Starting a school is not easy.
Me: But teachers from Hell? Aren't you afraid you'll corrupt the children?
God: Well, how do you teach anyone the difference between Good and Evil if you can't teach them the meaning of True Evil?
Me: Good point.
God: Anyway. I must be going now. Have to buy some cigars for dad.
Me: Oh, okay. See ya.
God: Bye.



Next: Hello Kitty: Celestial Conversations XVIII

11 comments:

Gamesmaster G9 said...

Hey - found your blog through Sagnik's, and I had to link to it.
Reading some of your older posts makes me think we must be long-lost brothers. "Aapki maa aapko kabhi Kumbh Mela mein le gayi thi?

Kiran Mayee said...

Hey, this is a good one and I guess that its a sarcastic one.
I happened to mention your blog to many friends and sister and I am sure that you would get more visitors shortly.

And everyone knows you by your story "Just Ano.." and when I mentioned it, they hastened to read your blog. Problem is that many dont know that you are the author of the story.

Jace said...

Rajesh J Advani? Rajesh Jagdish Advani? Ex Wipro? It sure has been a long time.

Rajesh J Advani said...

Gamesmaster G9: Thanks for the link! Me's been a silent reader of your posts and comments (on other people's blogs) till now. Of course, my commenting has reduced in general. Work's been a ... work's been bad. :)
About the Kumbh Mela. Actually, yes. When I was five. Or six. Or four. Ummm... :)

Kiran Mayee: Sarcasm? :) And, thanks for the advertising and the kind words. I keep worrying that my Celestial Conversations posts won't really be understood by those who haven't read them from the beginning. But every once in a while I can't help but write another episode :)
And yes, the problem exists, but I've sort of come to terms with that fact. At least they liked the story. It would just feel nice to know how many people have actually read it. :)

Kiran Jonnalagadda: Jace? Yes, it's me alright! Long time no hear, definitely. Quite curious to know how you found me :)

Manish Bhatt said...

That was good. That was cool. That was hilarious. That was NOT sarcastic. I loved it.

Was it in anyway inspired by the cat-lovng ole forgetful God in Hitchhiker's series? (Not that it's a bad thing to be inspired.)

Rajesh J Advani said...

Manish: Thanks! And the God in H2G2? :) Nice reminder, but I don't think it was a conscious inspiration.
I'm a big fan of Douglas Adams, and Terry Pratchett, so I guess I might have been inspired by their treatment of "God(s)" but these Celestial Conversations weren't inspired from any specific character in any specific story. The series is just my take on the question "What if God was one of us?" :)
Glad you liked it!

AM said...

The God conversations, gold I tell you, gold!!

J. Alfred Prufrock said...

Neat, Mr. Advani. I thought "Terry Pratchett" when I read this post - the conversations with DEATH?

And I mean that as a compliment, not an accusation of plagiarism.

The downside of finding someone whose writing is so entertaining - I spent far too much time reading your blog when I should have been working. And it will be disappointing to check your blog and find you haven't posted.

J.A.P.

RT said...

Stumblemitics got me here for lack of anything to do today and am I glad to be here...!
Read through some of your posts and totally loved them..
You have a very nice and sensitive flair for short stories..
Do keep writing more often..

J. Alfred Prufrock said...

You haven't posted in a while.

And now I AM disappointed.

J.A.P.

Rajesh J Advani said...

AM: Thanks! :) Now I need to get myself a bank locker :D

J. Alfred Prufrock: The Terry Pratchett reference definitely caught my by surprise. It's not usual to run into a fellow-fan :)
Considering that I've read 26 (or was it 27?) of the 30 Discworld novels printed till date just in the last two years, I'm sure I was inspired by DEATH :) Of course, not just DEATH, but even Brutha and Om's conversations in "Small Gods". And probably some more Anthropomorphic Personifications. :) I'm sure Douglas Adams and Isaac Asimov had something to do with it too.
And yes, I did take it as a compliment :)

Sorry for not posting as often. Life has become a little hectic in the past couple of months. Not much time for anything.
And sorry for spoiling your work time when I did :) But I really hope I can continue to do so :)
Do come back. Hopefully I'll be able to up my posting frequency in the near future.

RT: Thanks! Nice to know you liked my posts so much. Will definitely be trying to write a little more often from now on.