Previous: Return Of The... King? : Celestial Conversations - XV
Me: Hello God!
Me: Where have You been?
God: Sri Lanka, Indonesia, South India...
Me: Wow! What have You been doing there?
God: Trying to help.
Me: Oh, that's great! I'm sure they need all the help they can get.
God: That they do. But it can get quite depressing being there.
Me: I'm sure it is.
God: The worst thing is getting blamed for what happened.
God: They keep calling it an Act of God. I mean do they really think I would want to make something like that happen, even if I could?
Me: I guess it is a little unfair. But they think that since it happened naturally, You must have sanctioned it.
God: Sanctioned it? Me? Why and how would I sanction something like that? There's a scientific explanation for why it happened. Do they expect Me to bend the rules of science? Even you humans with your disrespect for the law find it difficult to do that.
Me: But you're God!
God: Why do you keep saying that?!
Me: Well, they believe that if you didn't like things like this happening, you wouldn't allow a world to exist where they could happen.
God: Oh? So they think I like seeing over one hundred and sixty thousand people dead astroke, and another hundred thousand at risk from the diseases that will follow?
Me: I'm sure you don't. But what do people know? Anyway. At least you're doing all you can.
God: True. And I got some of my people to help too.
Me: Oh, that's great.
God: Yes. Florence has a lot of experience in this kind of stuff. In any case, she needed to spend some time away from the bottle. Hell's been a bad influence on her.
Me: Ah, yes. You did mention that.
God: I wish everything that was wrong with this world didn't get blamed on Me.
Me: Well, anything we don't do on our own, we think You did.
God: Why Me?
Me: Who else do we have to blame?
God: Good Point. But it isn't even as if I created the planet. Or the universe for that matter. They just happened.
Me: So You keep saying.
God: You don't believe me? See, if I had designed the planet, there wouldn't even be earthquakes.
Me: No? What would You do with the tectonic plates?
God: Oh, that's simple. There wouldn't be any. The whole planet would be a block of iron.
Me: Just iron? Metallurgy would never have taken off if you'd done that.
God: Ok, a mixture of iron, zinc, magnesium, copper, and all the other elements in the same proportions as exist today.
Me: But if the entire mass of the planet was metal, wouldn't there be too much gravity?
God: I'm not sure. Haven't worked that bit out. But even if it were, I'd make the centre hollow to balance that.
Me: And what about soil? There'd be no agriculture without good soil.
God: Well, over a core of solid metal, there'd be soil.
Me: The same kind of soil all over?
God: Why not?
Me: For one, different kinds of plants need different kinds of soil.
God: Okay, then, uniformly distributed across the planet would be all kinds of soil, in equal proportions to what currently exists on earth.
Me: Distributed uniformly? You mean all countries have all kinds of soil?
God: Yup. That way everyone can grow all kinds of stuff and so everyone will be self-sufficient.
Me: But then there would no Trade!
God: Oh. Okay, then the soil would be distributed just like it is now. Anything else?
Me: You said there would be no tectonic plates, and so I guess there'd be no hot core.
God: Right. And so no Volcanoes, no Earthquakes, no Tsunamis, no natural disasters.
Me: But then what about mountains and valleys and stuff?
God: Oh, I'd carve that stuff Myself.
Me: All by Yourself?
God: I'm pretty good at sculpture.
Me: Well even if You could do that...
God: What do you mean if?
Me: ... without a hot core, we'd have no diamonds, and no precious stones.
God: I could embed them in the crust by hand. But what did you mean if?
Me: Even if You got the stones in, what about coal, oil and other fossil fuels?
God: Burning fossil fuels is bad for the environment. The earth I designed, wouldn't have any of those.
Me: But what about power? The industrial revolution would never take off!
God: Oh there's a simple solution to that one. I'd provide power outlets at regular intervals across the planet.
Me: Power outlets?
God: 220V AC, at 50Hz.
Me: You mean 60 Hz.
God: Is this My world or yours?
Me: Oh, sorry. Yours of course. But with power outlets, how would cars run?
God: Four AA type.
God: Works well for My remote control cars.
Me: Remote control?
God: Why, is there a problem?
Me: You can't run a real car on AA batteries!
God: AAA then?
God: Well then they'd have to figure out a way of using solar power.
Me: And air travel?
God: Six AA type batteries.
Me: Remote controlled again?
God: Or solar powered.
Me: (I think I know now why He doesn't mess with the world.)
God: Excuse Me?
Me: Umm, All the best with helping out for the Tsunami relief!
God: Thanks. And remember. We could always use more helping hands.
Next: Godparents : Celestial Conversations - XVII