Of Online Identities: Celestial Conversations - #30

on Posted by Rajesh J Advani
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First: Celestial Conversation
Previous: Miracles and Failure: Celestial Conversations - XXIX
Me: Hey, God.
God: Hello. You've changed the numbering scheme?
Me: Yes, I thought XXX in the title would attract the wrong kind of search traffic.
God: No traffic is bad traffic, I always say. And I am God, so I know of such things.
Me: So what are You up to?
God: Oh, I've spent the last couple of days on Twitter.
Me: Ah, how come?
God: Well, the first day was spent trying to find a username that wasn't already taken. There are a LOT of impostors there. I tried "God", "GodHimself", "TheRealGod", "IAmGod", "G_O_D", "Gawd" and a few hundred others.
Me: Yes, a lot of people like to speak on Your behalf.
God: One would think that they'd at least ask Me if I approve.
Me: Well Twitterers aren't the only ones saying things on Your behalf without Your approval, You know.
God: What do you mean?
Me: A little something called religion.
God: Oh. That.
Me: Yes. So, did you finally find a username?
God: I almost didn't. Then I had a brainwave.
Me: What?
God: I chose NotDevil.
Me: "NotDevil"? That's your username?
God: You try searching for a username with my name that's not taken. This was the best I could do.
Me: Well, ok. If You say so. But why Twitter?
God: I heard it was a great place to get followers.
Me: I'm not sure they meant that kind of follower.
God: Nonsense. What other kind of follower can there be? In any case, it doesn't work. I've been on this stupid site for a whole day, and no one is following Me.
Me: Ok.
God: I search for Myself in Twitter, and the thing is, a million people are talking to Me, thanking me, or just taking My name, but they are all ignoring me!
Me: Well, they don't really know that you're not an impostor.
God: That's true. For a while there, a couple of hundred poor women signed up as my followers, but they disappeared a little while later.
Me: Couple of hundred poor women? How do you know they were poor?
God: Their pictures proved they couldn't afford any clothes.
Me: Right. So, what have else You been doing on Twitter?
God: I've been replying to people.
Me: Replying?
God: For example, someone said "Thank God." So I replied, "You're welcome."
Me: Ah.
God: One person finally followed Me, so I made him My prophet.
Me: You did?
God: Yes, but it didn't work. He's too lazy. He's not even trying to speak to me. So I made a deal with Luci. He's going to Hell.
Me: Ah.
God: In any case, I must get back to Twitter.
Me: Why?
God: There are a number of people who keep saying I don't exist. I need to have a word with them.
Me: Right. All the best.
God: Thank you. Hey, are you on twitter?
Me: Why?
God: You should follow Me.
Me: Would you look at the time? Gotta go. Bye!

Next: What the Devil: Celestial Conversations - #31

3 comments:

Kusum Rohra said...

Yes, a lot of people like to speak on Your behalf.

Thats so hard to believe, huh?

Rajesh J Advani said...

@Kusum: :) If God only knew what people were saying on His behalf, I'm sure He would be horrified.

قمة الامتياز said...

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شركة كشف تسربات المياة بالدمام
شركة كشف تسربات المياة بالخبر
شركة تسليك مجاري بالدمام
شركة تسليك مجاري بالخبر
شركة عزل اسطح بالدمام
شركة عزل اسطح بالخبر
شركة تنظيف خزانات بالدمام
شركة تنظيف خزانات بالخبر
شركة تنظيف منازل بالدمام
شركة تنظيف منازل بالخير
شركة تنظيف بالدمام
شركة تنظيف بالخبر
شركة مكافحة النمل الابيض بالدمام
شركة مكافحة النمل الابيض بالخبر
شركة مكافحة حشرات بالدمام
شركة مكافحة حشرات بالخبر