Previous: Miracles and Failure: Celestial Conversations - XXIX
Me: Hey, God.
God: Hello. You've changed the numbering scheme?
Me: Yes, I thought XXX in the title would attract the wrong kind of search traffic.
God: No traffic is bad traffic, I always say. And I am God, so I know of such things.
Me: So what are You up to?
God: Oh, I've spent the last couple of days on Twitter.
Me: Ah, how come?
God: Well, the first day was spent trying to find a username that wasn't already taken. There are a LOT of impostors there. I tried "God", "GodHimself", "TheRealGod", "IAmGod", "G_O_D", "Gawd" and a few hundred others.
Me: Yes, a lot of people like to speak on Your behalf.
God: One would think that they'd at least ask Me if I approve.
Me: Well Twitterers aren't the only ones saying things on Your behalf without Your approval, You know.
God: What do you mean?
Me: A little something called religion.
God: Oh. That.
Me: Yes. So, did you finally find a username?
God: I almost didn't. Then I had a brainwave.
God: I chose NotDevil.
Me: "NotDevil"? That's your username?
God: You try searching for a username with my name that's not taken. This was the best I could do.
Me: Well, ok. If You say so. But why Twitter?
God: I heard it was a great place to get followers.
Me: I'm not sure they meant that kind of follower.
God: Nonsense. What other kind of follower can there be? In any case, it doesn't work. I've been on this stupid site for a whole day, and no one is following Me.
God: I search for Myself in Twitter, and the thing is, a million people are talking to Me, thanking me, or just taking My name, but they are all ignoring me!
Me: Well, they don't really know that you're not an impostor.
God: That's true. For a while there, a couple of hundred poor women signed up as my followers, but they disappeared a little while later.
Me: Couple of hundred poor women? How do you know they were poor?
God: Their pictures proved they couldn't afford any clothes.
Me: Right. So, what have else You been doing on Twitter?
God: I've been replying to people.
God: For example, someone said "Thank God." So I replied, "You're welcome."
God: One person finally followed Me, so I made him My prophet.
Me: You did?
God: Yes, but it didn't work. He's too lazy. He's not even trying to speak to me. So I made a deal with Luci. He's going to Hell.
God: In any case, I must get back to Twitter.
God: There are a number of people who keep saying I don't exist. I need to have a word with them.
Me: Right. All the best.
God: Thank you. Hey, are you on twitter?
God: You should follow Me.
Me: Would you look at the time? Gotta go. Bye!
Next: What the Devil: Celestial Conversations - #31