Finally got myself a copy of Mil Millington's "Things My Girlfriend And I Have Argued About" - the novel based on the website of the same name. I've been looking for this book for the past two months. Finally found it at the Borders bookstore at Westchester Pavilion (in White Plains). If you live somewhere close by (White Plains or Valhalla in NY) then this store is a must see. It's got this amazing collection of books. Just the Literature/Fiction section has more than 15 shelves, each of which is atleast eight to nine feet high, and four feet wide. Amaaaazing!

I submitted a story to Sulekha 12 weeks ago, today (I may have mentioned this before) and sent them yet another mail yesterday asking what had happened to it. Today they responded with a "We will be publishing your beautiful poem very shortly".

I mean it's one thing to tell someone that their prose is sheer poetry, and quite something else to call a story a poem. Don't you think?

I was pretty stunned to find comments on the net about Celestial Conversations of this kind - "one of the funniest blogs I've ever read".

This is good for my ego, but bad for my blood pressure since it makes me worry about the reactions of people who, being somewhat impressed by that particular piece decide to read some of my other stuff. Stuff which I specifically think is not very interesting, and that I've written just so that I don't lose the habit of posting.

Considering that, I would really like to apologize about some of the sequels which are really not funny, and instead, quite annoying to say the least. So, I've decided to put these conversations on hold while I'm recuperating from my writer's block. (Actually, it's not so much writer's block as it is time to think but you get the idea)
I do intend continue blogging though, so don't go away!

I'm not sure if anyone has noticed this, but all blogspot blogs now have a Blogger NavBar on the top (This has been true for a couple of months now, of course, but it never hurts to point this out :) ).

Using the Search box allows the reader to search for text within a blog, thus pulling up posts to which you might not have the permalink. There's also the "Next blog" button which randomly takes you to another blog on blogspot. My only crib with that is the potential of landing on a malicious blog. You know, one with viruses, trojans, etc.

Before coming to the US, handed over my collection of 24 Discworld books (by Terry Pratchett) and 3 other Terry Pratchett books, to my cousin. I bought my 25th Discworld book today. Thief of time. I'm still missing Lords and Ladies. But I won't be buying that any time soon.

Read "Day of Confession" by Allan Folsom on the flight. That is, read the first 485 pages. Still working on finishing the last 70 pages. But no time. Wonder if the thief of time has anything to do with it...

When I started blogging on Sulekha, someone called Jyotsna from Bangalore (I assume this from the email address) sent me a message asking me if I'm the same Rajesh Advani from TSEC 99 batch. I tried replying to her, except that her email address bounced.

I mean how do you respond to such messages? People say stuff, expect you to respond, and then leave no forwarding address. What do you do?

One of the messages left on my site, I actually tried tracing the location using an IP address. I narrowed it as much as a single building in Bangalore. My own company. Even at that resolution, it could probably be any one of 300-600 people.

Know what? I think I'm just jet-lagged.

September 3^rd, 2004: I'm in India. I reach office at 8:20am, going about doing things I usually do, and ready to go to breakfast. I find out I'm leaving for the US. In two days.

September 7^th, 2004: I land at JFK airport.

I don't like living out a suitcase. I don't like not having a permanent home. When I see the words "permanent address", all I can do is laugh.

And, I don't like this jet lag thingy either.

And what I hate most is having to access the internet over dial-up. I mean three hours to download a Norton Internet Security LiveUpdate? Sheesh! And that too, with Norton interrupting my surfing every couple of minutes to tell me someone's remotely trying to access my computer. (Yes, I know, I can turn the prompt off, but you never know when you might actually want a remote computer to access your computer, right? And then who has the patience to unblock that machine?)

Sigh...

Anyway. Just wanted to explain why this blog's been dead for the past week. :)

Just settling in here. Will be back to daily blogging soon, I hope.

First: Celestial Conversation
Previous: Population Control: Celestial Conversations - XII

Me: Hello?
SecretaryOfGod: Yes?
Me: Oh, good. I was hoping to catch you.
SecretaryOfGod: Yes?
Me: Pinky?
SecretaryOfGod: Excuse me?
Me: Oh, I'm sorry. I was just checking. You never know who you might really be chatting with.
SecretaryOfGod: I'm not sure what you mean, but I've decided to take offense to that statement.
Me: Oh, please, no. I didn't mean to cause any offence. I'm sorry.
SecretaryOfGod: Well, then get on with it.
Me: Well, it's like this. God was telling me yesterday, that only a few souls actually get into heaven or hell.
SecretaryOfGod: Of course! Can you imagine the accommodation problem if we let every soul in? Do you have any idea about the cost of real estate these days?
Me: It's pretty high apparently. I wouldn't really know, though. I don't own any property.
SecretaryOfGod: Well then this is definitely as good a time to invest as any.
Me: Oh. Rates are low, are they?
SecretaryOfGod: Low? Ha!
Me: Then why were you advising me to invest?
SecretaryOfGod: Because they're not getting any lower!
Me: Oh.
SecretaryOfGod: Now did you have something to ask me, or not? I don't have all day.
Me: Well, it's like this. If all souls don't go to either heaven or hell, then, errr... where do they go?
SecretaryOfGod: What?
Me: I mean, I believe trillions of people have lived on this planet till now.
SecretaryOfGod: Yes?
Me: So, where are they now?
SecretaryOfGod: Dead, of course!
Me: I know that! But where are their souls?
SecretaryOfGod: Oh, that. Well, that's not a straight answer. They go a number of different ways.
Me: Different ways?
SecretaryOfGod: Of course. Everyone has different ideas about what to do with the afterlife.
Me: Oh?
SecretaryOfGod: Yes. Some of them just retire.
Me: Retire?
SecretaryOfGod: That's right. Retire.
Me: And what does that mean?
SecretaryOfGod: It means that they don't want to go through the process of living anymore. Life was enough.
Me: I'll pretend I understand.
SecretaryOfGod: That's nice of you. Some of them - and these are the annoying ones - try to become poltergeists.
Me: Really?
SecretaryOfGod: Yes. Not many succeed, though. It's quite a trick learning to affect the living world even when you are dead.
Me: Oh.
SecretaryOfGod: But that tends to be only a temporary pastime. Poltergeising is pretty exhausting. A few days of activity like that can tire a soul out for a couple of million years.
Me: That long?
SecretaryOfGod: In terms of eternity, it's not that much. It's like taking an afternoon nap.
Me: Oh.
SecretaryOfGod: Then, there's the lost souls.
Me: Lost?
SecretaryOfGod: Well, it's a euphemism, really. They're not really lost. Or even if they are, they have an eternity to find themselves. No. Lost Souls are actually only pranksters. They haunt houses and roads and such like.
Me: Oh.
SecretaryOfGod: Yes. But they do it part time. Which means that they work only in shifts. The night shift is a favourite of course. The other shifts don't have much job satisfaction.
Me: Job satisfaction?
SecretaryOfGod: What do you think? If you're going to haunt a house, you might as well do it properly. Or what would be the point?
Me: Oh.
SecretaryOfGod: Some of them recycle themselves.
Me: Recycle? Oh, you mean reincarnation.
SecretaryOfGod: Reincarnation? Of course, not. A new soul is created for every new body born. Otherwise the soul-sellers would go out of business. It's a different matter that the dominating soul is not always the new one. After all, the old ones have more experience. But I was talking about recycling. They go back to the moment they were born, and reoccupy themselves.
Me: Reoccupy?
SecretaryOfGod: Yes. It's called temporal repetition.
Me: But why?
SecretaryOfGod: You know how humans always want to go back and change the past? Well, it's a soul's natural tendency to want to go and correct things in their own past.
Me: So they go back in time and changethings?
SecretaryOfGod: Of course not. Everyone knows you can't change the past.
Me: Then why do they try?
SecretaryOfGod: Just dumb I guess. Tell someone an iron is hot, and he hasto touch it to be sure. And these souls go back to live again. Can you imagine how much trouble that is?
Me: Not really.
SecretaryOfGod: Imagine needing to get potty-trained all over again.
Me: Ew!
SecretaryOfGod: Exactly.
Me: Well, you were also talking about the new soul not always being in control and something about old souls. What was that about?
SecretaryOfGod: Oh. That's related to the last and largest group of souls. Most of them try to occupy other living beings. You can't change the past, but you can definitely change the future.
Me: So there are people with more than one soul?
SecretaryOfGod: People and fish. Some even make the mistake of entering mosquitoes.
Me: Mosquitoes?
SecretaryOfGod: I know. A pretty short life. Some souls are just born dumb I guess. They end up as mosquito souls. And then there's no turning back.
Me: Ouch. That must be quite sad.
SecretaryOfGod: Well a mosquito can't really be sad. Not enough brain for emotions. So they're pretty happy most of the time.
Me: Well, how can one tell if a person has more than one soul?
SecretaryOfGod: Well practically everyone has more than one soul. Souls do a lot of sharing. There isn't much humanity to go around.
Me: Everyone?
SecretaryOfGod: Of course! Some people are occupied by billions of souls.
Me: Billions? What'd be the point of sharing a body with billions of other souls?
SecretaryOfGod: I told you. Souls are just naturally dumb. The funny thing is, that the lesser the number of souls occupying a body, the more likely that it'll get noticed. You humans call them people with multiple-personality disorders.
Me: Oh!
SecretaryOfGod: Right. People with many more personalities seem more normal. Because there's so many of them inside, that it becomes one constant hum of soulness.
Me: This is quite disturbing. And confusing.
SecretaryOfGod: That confusion? It's a sign that some of the souls in you are telling your brain to think one thing, and the rest, something else.
Me: Help!
SecretaryOfGod: Everyone needs it.
Me: I think I'm getting another one of those headaches...
SecretaryOfGod: A headache, of course...
Me: No! Don't tell me! I'm leaving.

[Me has logged off]

SecretaryOfGod: He he!

[SecretaryOfGod has changed his name to TheDevil]

TheDevil: That was fun!

Next: House-hunting: Celestial Conversations - XIV

First: Celestial Conversation
Previous: Big Daddy: Celestial Conversations XI

Me: Hello?
God: Hello.
Me: God?
God: Yes?
Me: (phew) I think I spoke to Your daughter yesterday.
God: You did?
Me: Yes. She was logged in as Your secretary.
God: She was?
Me: Yes. She said she was six years old, called You Daddy and said You'd gone to get her some ice-cream.
God: Oh, you mean Pinky!
Me: Yes.
God: I'm sorry, with all living things being called Children of God, I had no idea which daughter you were talking aout.
Me: All living things?
God: It wasn't my idea.
Me: Oh, so Pinky isn't really Your daughter?
God: I thought we just decided that she is.
Me: No, I mean actual daughter.
God: Actual?
Me: You know, seed-of-Your-loins kind of daughter?
God: Seed of... Oh! Ha ha! No, no, no! Where'd you get that idea?
Me: Well, she called You Daddy.
God: That's just kid-speak for 'Father'. Of Father, Son and Holy Spirit fame.
Me: Oh. So are there lots of children in heaven?
God: Oh, lots. So many that we don't have enough adults to take care of them.
Me: More children than adults?
God: Of course. It's difficult finding adults with no sins to their name.
Me: Oh. How many adults do You have in heaven?
God: I think at last count, it was... let me check... fourteen.
Me: Fourteen??? That's it?
God: Yes. Well it was fifteen until last week, but then Gandhi defected.
Me: Defected?
God: Yes. He said he'd had enough of abstinence.
Me: But... but... trillions of human beings have probably died on earth. How can heaven only have fourteen?
God: It's not easy following all the ten commandments, you know. Even Gandhi had taken my name in vain a number of times. He only got through because he came highly recommended. And he's already defected.
Me: So all the other trillions go to Hell?
God: Of course not. The population of hell is approximately two hundred and seventy-eight.
Me: Then where do the rest of them go?
God: I have absolutely no idea.

Next: Soul Proprietorship: Celestial Conversations - XIII

I'm Google-able!

Which means, of course, that if you search for my name in Google (even without the middle initial) I'm on the first page that Google returns. (this has been true for a number of months now, of course)
The reason this is good, is because this way old friends who I have no way of contacting anymore, can just look me up and try to reach me via this great thing they call the World Wide Web.
A old friend of mine (last saw or heard from him 5 years ago) actually did exactly this.
A few years ago, a friend I'd not seen or been in touch with for over 10 years, reached me by searching my mail-provider's white pages. I rarely use that account, so it was a surprise to see his name there. The chap was sitting in Singapore. I met him a few months later when he was passing through this city.

It's crazy, isn't it? The way you can have no idea where someone you knew long ago is, and then suddenly, one search in Google, and there you are!

The world is definitely getting smaller.