Government Bans Coffee Shops

Reuter: After shutting down Dance bars throughout Maharashtra last year, the state government has now turned its attention to Mumbai's espresso bars. In yet another controversial decision, the state has passed a bill banning coffee shops based on the theory that they are breeding grounds for prostitution.

"Young men and women spend hours at these places," said a minister. "Are they under the impression that we don't understand what they are doing? If they want coffee, they can make it at home. What do they come to these bars for?" Another claimed that the youth of the nation "should be at home studying or praying at a temple. Such behaviour is spoiling our culture."

When asked what they would do once the ban came into effect, some coffee shop owners said they would start selling tea instead. "But what will I do?" cried BJ, owner of the internet-cafe-cum-coffee-shop BlogLand. "Most of my customers don't like tea!"

After this latest ban, observers are wondering what will be next on the government's agenda.

Well, it could happen.

Mob Storms Condom Company

Reuter: A mob carrying placards saying 'Off With Condoms' and 'We Don't Need No Rubber' stormed the offices of Durex at J. N. Nagar yesterday. The protesters claimed that by selling condoms the multinational company was encouraging people to fornicate.

"Why would you need condoms unless you wanted to have sex outside the confines of marriage?" said one man. "This is all part of a master plan to bring the dirty western culture to our country and to corrupt our youth!" Another protester suggested that western condom companies were paying movie and sports stars to promote immoral behaviour.

Shouting slogans of "Let's burn that rubber!", the mob tore down the gates of the Durex building, smashed windows and beat up security personnel.

In an unrelated incident, a transport truck carrying five thousand condoms was reported stolen from the Durex building on the same day.

This hasn't happened yet, to my knowledge. But it doesn't seem too far off, does it?