Previous: Godparents : Celestial Conversations - XVII
Me: So, how does it feel to have Your parents staying with You?
God: Oh, pretty nice actually. I get to eat Mom's cooking.
Me: Ah, yes. That's always nice.
God: Yes. No one can make sun-dried tomatoes quite like she can.
Me: Good, good. So, are You planning to show them around the city?
God: Oh, no. They prefer to get around by themselves.
Me: They do?
God: Yes. They're the independent sort, My parents.
God: Yes. They are in Las Vegas this week.
Me: They are?
God: Yes. Dad is in one of those Elvis impersonation groups.
God: Yes. He grew sideburns one day, and joined them. Now once in a while, he puts on a suit and jumps out of an airplane.
God: Yes. They call themselves the Flying Elvi.
God: So I'm stuck at home vacuuming fur-balls.
God: Well, I made a very stupid mistake.
Me: You made a mistake? That's hard to believe.
God: I did. And it was a stupid one.
Me: So what did You do?
God: Well, Mom asked Me if I liked big cats.
God: And I told her I loved them. That they were the most elegant animals on the planet.
God: So she got Me a house cat.
God: I thought she was talking about the wild ones! You know, Tigers, Jaguars, Pumas...
God: And she found a fat stinking stray house cat, and gifted it to Me!
Me: Quite a disappointment, I can see.
God: You bet it was. And as if that wasn't enough, she wants to get Me another one for My birthday.
Me: You have a birthday?
God: Doesn't everyone?
Me: But You're God!
God: Why do you keep saying that?
Me: Well, aren't You?
God: Of course, I am. So?
Me: So, a birthday is the day a person is born. You weren't born!
God: That's discrimination.
Me: But You weren't!
God: I have parents.
Me: You were adopted!
God: Now you've gone and hurt my feelings.
Me: Alright, so You arranged it, but that doesn't change anything.
God: It still wasn't a nice thing to say.
Me: Fine! I'm sorry. So You have a birthday. When is it?
God: Zero A.G.
God: That's my birthday.
Me: 'Zero A.G.' isn't a real date.
God: It was, before they messed things up with the Gregorian Calendar.
Me: Well, what does the A.G. stand for?
God: After God.
Me: Very clever.
God: You should read the scriptures, and Trust in Me. You're too skeptical.
Me: Fine, I believe You. But that's only a birth-date. When is Your birthday?
Me: I mean when do You celebrate Your birthday?
God: It depends.
Me: On what?
God: The stellar calendar.
God: Yes. Based on the relative positioning of the stars and the theory of relativity I can celebrate My birthday on practically any day.
Me: I'll pretend I understand and believe that.
God: See? Too skeptical. I'm sure you'll go to Hell.
Me: That's not a very nice thing to say.
God: Fine, then. We're even. You hurt My feelings, and now I've hurt yours.
Me: That's just childish.
God: Well by some calculations, I'm just a year old.
Me: And how did You get that?
God: Oh, simple. Since I'm God, My age is the only absolute age. So, taking My age to be the primary unit of age calculation, I'm precisely One.
God: You don't believe me?
Me: Of course I do.
God: I can prove it. There's a mathematical formula and everything.
Me: No, no. I believe You.
God: I can even prove that 1 is equal to 2.
Me: I'm sure that's true.
God: I can prove it.
Me: In God We Trust.
God: Now that's My boy!
Me: You're a good teacher.
God: Of course I am. Anyway. Have to go now. I think the cat's got Diarrhea.
God: You can say that again.
Next: Bye, Mom! Bye Dad!!: Celestial Conversations XIX